Together alone

When I was small I always ran away.

At least that’s what my mother called it

I never thought of it that way, I never went very far

At least that’s what I thought then.

She was always angry when I did it, and I never understood why

Many years later I realized it was her worry that made her angry.

At a certain point she even put me on a leash.

But she never thought about why I did it.

I guess I wanted to be noticed.

Everyone in my family was so busy with them selves.

When I was really small we were often all together

Yet I always felt together alone

Not heard, and not seen

Which got worse as I got older

And so I went off, rather being alone, then together alone.

I still do.

When I meet with people, even if I’m having fun, I’m always happy to go home

To be alone again, in my own house, in my own little world.

I never feel really connected to anyone, no real bond.

Tho I want to, I really do

In the past I made the many effort to make that happen.

But it always turned out one-sided, or for as long as they need you

And that hurts just too much

That knife, the many tears

It is in the past

because

I’m alone